Dearly Beloved
by Pennethril the Tale Weaver
Summary: This story has also been moved from An Aspiring Author's account to this one. Now, The Songfictionistas would like to prevent another work born of a late night and too much sugar! **NEW PEN NAME** No longer The Songfictionistas


**Disclaimer: I own the world, kind of but not.**

The Marauderettes, Jamie, Siri and Remma, are proud to present their newest work of craziness:

_**Dearly Beloved**_

James

_Remus_

**Sirius **

**- - - - -**

**Dearly beloved, I believe Peter Pettigrew, the young lad, has died.**

Yes, I fear that he just couldn't survive Minnie's Detention. Poor bloke, he'll never breathe again.

_Except that he's only asleep; he will breathe again. In fact, he is breathing right now, you idiots._

Cranky much Moony?

**I hate you. All of you, to be correct.**

Depressed much Padfoot?

_Go away ,it's your fault we're in detention anyway._

**If I left you alone, you would be lonely!**

And then what would you do with all of the free time that you wouldn't be spending in detention?

_Try, actually doing my homework and doing other things; like reading the book I've been trying to finish all year!_

**Such trivial matters Moony.**

What took you so long Padfoot? Couldn't remember how to spell "trivial"? I've been waiting for your response for like five minutes and I couldn't just sit here waiting for it; I had to actually make it look like I was writing the lines I'm supposed to be copying. Do you have any idea what I have been through?

_First of all, my book is not 'trivial matters' as you so eloquently put it Padfoot. Second of all James, if Minnie finds out you haven't actually written anything, I can guarantee you she will give you more detentions, and you will be even more behind in homework than you already are._

I'll have you know that I have done my homework; I figured out the spell to copy the lines didn't I? Oh wait, I didn't tell you guys that… oops, I guess I forgot to tell you how to just write one line and then have it copy itself 500 times.

**I have decided to take a peaceful approach to this situation. Rather than pulling you from your chair and throttling you to beyond recognishion, I will simply sit here and continue copying lines. (Oh, I hope you do know that the voodoo doll may come back into being.) **

_You're a bloody git, you know that James. And, Padfoot, you spelled 'recognition' wrong. _

Everyone keeps telling me that, (a.k.a. Evans) but I think that it is really a term of endearment because we all know that she is crazy for me. Sorry Moony, but I don't swing that way.

_James it is __not__ a term of endearment, and how dare you even imply what you are implying!!! I really want you to leave me alone right now before I do something I would regret and probably be thrown into Azkaban for._

**I would allow you to imply anything you like as long as my assignments were being 'taken care of' for me.**

I'll have** you **taken care of.

_Gits, all of you._

And proud of it.

**Kind of like nationalism… but more along the lines of Marauderism. I think you all see my point here, yes?**

… _sure_

Umm… how very... profound?

**Please, please, hold your praise for my brilliant thoughts until AFTER the detention has been served. I don't think that darling Minnie could take the pain of being cast into the shadows, my glorious being in the spotlight... my wonderous mind on display for the world to view.**

_Guys, Minnie's looking at us… She doesn't look very happy that no one is actually doing the lines…_

I don't know what you're talking about, I totally wrote all of the lines… and she knows it! She's just mad that she puts Peter to sleep and then he has the audacity to blow spit bubbles and gurgle into his own pool of saliva that accumulates on the desk underneath his mouth.

**And I love what you do, don't you know that you are toxic. Taste of your lips and I'm on a ride. Your toxic… I will leave the rest for later.**

That is directed to you and only you Moony. I refuse to be a part of your relationship because my heart belongs to Lillian and Lillian alone. Besides, if I was gay, not that there is anything wrong with that, I fully support the both of you, Padfoot would be my last choice- the guy wears crowns on his underpants- briefs you know. How disturbing! I don't know what you, or any girls, see in him Moony.

_(Death glare) You suck. You are a git, and for the last time; WE ARE NOT GAY OR A COUPLE!_

**Well, I have to say that I am not offended by James choice in men because, frankly, I would not date you IN ANY LIFETIME Prongs… You're just too ugly. And dear Remmykins, all my love to you and yours.**

I must say Padfoot, that your little announcement there has greatly relieved me. For some time now I have wondered if you find me attractive… now I can sleep at night knowing that this is not true.

**Oh, and I will have you know that my crowns were covered in jewels! Also, I wore skulls the day before. Oh, and plain black the day before that… and Christmas light patterns the day before… and… well, we will leave it there… I can't remember any more.**

_Padfoot, we really didn't need to know that…_

Yes we did. Now when I spread rumors around the school about Paddy's undergarments, they will be factual. I wonder how much his fan club would pay for pictures… I do need some more dungbombs for Tuesday's Divination class…

**I really do not mind, but if you were so poor and attention-starved I would have happily shared earlier. I am also sure that I could schedule a photo-shoot with the Sirius Black fan club.**

I feel badly for my poor fanclub… I really haven't been paying enough attention to them lately… I guess that redoubling my Evans efforts cut my fangirl time in half… darn. No wonder I've been feeling so restless lately. After detention I'll just go and chat up one of 'em… and you know what happens after that….

**Considering that my dear, younger brother is the only member of your fan club, I must say that I am disturbed… is it YOU that is attracted to the Black Family's good looks?**

Wow. Wow. I'm so scared right now… I thought we went through the whole, 'I am not attracted to males' thing just moments ago… in fact I have a record of it… anyways… even if dear Reggie was the only one in my fanclub, it would still beat your fanclub that only consists of Snivy, Remmy and yourself… and yes I have seen your brother there before too… I guess he buys into that 'intermarriage' thing way more seriously than everyone else.

**Well, you certainly have gone to a new low dear Prongs. I am rather upset that you failed to mention that your mother comes to every single meeting….**

_YES! I have the note finally! Hmmm… Why are you guys just staring at each other? James… James, Minnie's watching your every move, sit back down. James don't attack Sirius! He's not listening… so I might as well document this fight that is unfolding so that Peter can read it later while we're sitting in the Hospital Wing so that James and Sirius can get themselves fixed up for whomever is actually in their fan clubs._

_Alright, first, Peter you are sitting kinda half on your chair half off; you seem to have fallen off at some point during this detention… Minnie is staring at James and Sirius like, 'Why in the name of Merlin would these boys start a fight in the middle of my detention?' it is actually a very interesting face… Alright so, James and Sirius are fighting. James has tackled Sirius, it was actually very funny to watch… Sirius is trying to fight him off, but it's not quite working. James is yelling at Sirius, pulling his hair, and yelling something about an insult to his mother…? Oh, There goes Sirius pulling James' hair and sending his glasses flying across the room because he hit him on the side of the head. James looks really angry, its kinda scary. Ah, James just punched Sirius on the nose; its bleeding… a lot. Ooohh, that sounded painful; fists colliding with skulls, not fun. Ha, Sirius has finally gotten the better of James and is now on top… not for long apparently James just kicked him in the ribs… Ow, they just landed on you Peter, you're still not awake. What did James put in your food? Hopefully, you'll wake up soon. _

_Alright, Minnie has finally decided that a broken nose and severe bruises is enough for a detention fight, and has put a stop to it…Now, TO THE HOSPITAL WING!!!!!! Poppy, here we come!_

_Ah, great, I get to bring you to the hospital wing to figure out what the heck happened to you that you didn't even wake up when the two of them landed on you…yay._

**- - - -**

**TBC**

**Enjoy and review, my lovelies. And, I hate you all.**

Hope you liked our story of dialogue and frivolity! Please review!

_Please note that all of this actually happened... you know you want to review, please..._


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